I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
