Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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