i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
