We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
