ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
