she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's never too late to be topless.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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