My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
