normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
