The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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