Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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