4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
True strength comes from lack of pants
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
