I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
