69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
