How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
