I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The air was thick with penises
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
