I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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