Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
