We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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