I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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