Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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