i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
