Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this just has baby written all over it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
