I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
