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i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
