See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
