New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
