please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
