State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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