i don't like sucking hair
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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