he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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