I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
