does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
