It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just want to make out with him forever
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
