I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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