Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
