I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
