Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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