He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
