Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
