i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
