sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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