You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
