Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Someone came in the potted fern
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
