yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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