You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
