his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
