just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
