LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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