Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
