Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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