It's like God shit irony all over that family
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
