You just made me feel so damn special
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Reggie can tackle my bush.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
