whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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